I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
