Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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