Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
