WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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