remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
