Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
