Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
