u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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