He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
