Your mouth is God's brothel.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
