If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my sisters under your porch take her home
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
