im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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