Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
COCAINE IS GR8
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
