Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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