OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
