from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
