hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
