he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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