It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
