I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
