she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
