Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Oh god it's open bar.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
