I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
