Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
