My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
