The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
