I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
