did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
