He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
