he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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