The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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