I look better un-naked...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
