so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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