Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
