from now on my penis is your penis
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
