I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
