dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
