you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
