bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You are a genius and a whore.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
