I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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