I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
