just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
