I like my sex mixed with concussions.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
