no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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