And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
