Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
