my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
