he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
