I didn't shave. On purpose
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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