We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
