its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
