Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
two words...techno handjob
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
