my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
