What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
