you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
